So,
it’s late afternoon, and here I’m, going through some city park
and, as I go by, down there, I actually
see
a few people running around, playing some kind of ball games,
doing
some kind of exercises, stretching, and then, as it's getting
late, collecting the odds and sods from their picnics, etc. And me,
well, me, here I go now, already moving to the other side of the
hill, where the green looks more thick and fresh, and thus, as I get
there, over a big boulder surrounded by some leggy shrubs I sit,
rolling this joint… And, as I do my job,
in the meanwhile, a young guy is already coming by with his dog
on the leash, and yeah, straight away, he begins to talk something
about something... this is, by now, it looks like he's actually
talking about his girlfriend or something, and, it goes more and less
like this, “I’m actually fed up with this girl,” he says “coz,
she’s just a soap-operas sucker and…”, then, he also criticizes
his parents, coz of “their regressive mentality”... and then,
he
also criticizes this country, coz “people, I mean, people in this
country, they just complain, they
just
say bad things about everything… and then, yeah, then they do not
create anything new, they just copy…”, and so, as I hear this
barbarities, I pass him the big cigar, and so, while he take some
long deep drag on it, then, there I go, already asking him something
like “so,
afterall afterwalls, you tell me, what do you like? What do you want
from this life?”; “oh, what I like, what I don’t like… hum, I
like my phone, and I like my dog, that’s it!” he says, while
actually blowing some smoke on his dog’s muzzle, and so, as he does
it, the poor dog wrinkles the skin around their eyes, like if saying
“why the fuck he does that to me!?”.And then, as he passes me
back the big cane, he continues, “Oh man, what I want from this
life, what I do not want… you know... like the others, I want a big
car, innit, travel the world with my dog on it, that's what I want
from life man, and then, just then, when I come back, I will tell you
what's good what's bad and much more... is it OK like that?”;
“That's Ok!” I say, while
blowing some smoke on his face. And then, as he moves back, down
there, in the valley, I actually see a group of people passing by,
running after the ducks, and thus, as I pass him back this smoking
thing, there he goes, now confessing a different thing, about his
friends now,
“I
mean, almost all them have emigrated, and I… well, I also wanna go
somewhere, but, actually, I don’t know exactly where, this is, I’m
waiting for a signal… we can say that",
and then, for some reason, as it goes, I tell him something like "Go
ahead man, balance your strength, you know, everything can be a sign
of weakness, even this idea of conquering the world, it can be just a
self defensive idea, a concept, in order to surpass our own lack of
self esteem… this is, well, as you may know, weakness goes hand in
hand with fragility, and fragility goes hand in hand with beauty, and
beauty, well beauty, that may go hand in hand with with attraction,
and attraction, that may bring you power, but there, on the top of
the world, there are the same kind holes as the ones we can find down
here, on the gutter” I say, and, “your conversation looks strange
now” he says, “where you from after all?” he finally asks. And
so, “I’m not from!” I say, and then, as his dog leaves the
area, there he goes running after him. And me, here I stay, looking
at the clouds moving by now, up there, and then, soon, I’m actually
approaching some other people doing some kind of picnic down there or
so, and, so, as I come to them, I actually ask them how can we go
from here to Africa etc, but, it looks this they dont like those
questions, and so, this is, they just tell me to back off… and me,
well, there I go, already going across the valley, and then, by the
lake, and as it goes, I even play some football with the kids that
were there kicking the ball against some tree branches, and then, as
the ball falls into the water, all the kids run away, and me…
well, after everyone is gone, here I stay, staring at the ducks
plunging their heads inside the water, and, in the meanwhile, when is
already getting dark, down there, I notice this girl nestled again
some kind of tree trunk, looking at the sky, and, as I approach, I
see, a open book fallen in between her legs, and so, “hello there,”
I say “I have been watching you from up there, and, well, I’m
just curious about what are you actually reading…”; “oh,
reading…” she exclaims, I’m not reading… I’m just
thinking…” she says. And then, as I sit on her side, I’m
already rolling another joint, and, as I roll it, at some point, she
begins to confess some facts about her messy life, this is,
“actually…” she says, “I’m not from here, my parents
brought me to this small country when I was still a child... and
well, as it went through, a few years later, they would get fed up
with their life here, fed up with themselves, fed up with what
more I’m not sure, and… yeah, they would actually separate and go
in different directions… and me, well, it looks that they couldn't
take me with them... so, yeah, I was actually left behind, this is,
during some time I took refuge in the house of their friends... I
mean, I lived in many places...
I got to know people... I got to know about their problems and their
lies… so, I went through some private scholing, but, soon I left it
and, I came to live in the streets… this is, I lived with the ones
making life outside… and so, as you may understand, I became a
rebel, a rebel revolted against the mainstream orders... revolted
against inustice, revolted against the discrimination of what is
different... against the world of money… greed… and then, I
left everything and went around the world in a hurry... I mean, I
have been to all the continents… and thus, yeah, through my
travels… I managed to learn how to deal with people, how to love
them, but after, when I came back here, I couldn't adapt here, I
mean, I couldn't make relations with the ones from my past anymore...
and thus, my sedentary life has grown dull... and so, at some
point, I locked myself at home, this is… I became a drug addict,
again... and, I even tried suicide, a couple of times... but, all
failed…” she says, and then, as I approach her, and try to hug
her, but, she just rejects me, already saying that, “I don’t need
anyone more in my life… this is, at this point, I already have
enouth…”; “Oh yeah, tell me more about that”, I say.
“Actually, I can say that, well, I’m in a relation with three
boys at the same time!”; “oh!” I say. “One is a punk, other
is a hippie and the other is a rastaman! Yes, that’s it!”; “Oh”
I say again. “But, well don’t take me wrong, I’m not a
nymphomaniac, nothing like that, nor am I trying to create a
collection of relationships, this is, that's just how the things have
happened… and ok, I may say that, I like all of them in different
ways, this is, they all complete a part of me that the other cannot
reach. So, when I'm not working, I spend most of
my time with them… But, moving forward, let me present them to
you…”; “yes, go ahead” I say. “So, the punk's name is Zito,
the rasta’s name is Mandla, and the neo-hippy kind of thing is
Peter…”; “Oh!” I say again, and then she continues, “well,
about the punkish one… Zito lives in the suburbs, I mean, where the
city meets the countryside, this is, he actually lives in this old
granite house covered in verdigris, a house that is semi-abandoned,
some kind of squat, if you know what that is, and so, other people
stay there from time to time, mainly travelers, and yes, I’m always
happy to deal with these visits…”; “what about Mandla?” I
ask. “Oh Mandla… Mandla lives closer, more into the city, but
still in the suburbs, this is, actually he lives in a requalified
slum with this many
white
buildings in the middle and a lot of cabins around these white
buildings, and,
actually, there are some tunnels under the earth, tunnels that unite
the buildings and the shacks around, but what they do on that
tunnels, I can not tell you here… this is, in there, they share
their joy and resentment, like everywhere, and also, there are wild
animals running free through the adjacent gardens…”; “Oh, what
about the other one, what about Peter?”; “Well, Peter is a
different story, he actually lives in the middle of the city,
actually not far from here, this is, he lives in a building with an
inner garden, and, effectively, it's there we meet, normally inside
the glasshouse, this is, he’s actually some kind of artist, a
painter we can say, and, this is, his paintings are all based on the
fauna and flora of tropical countries, and thus, in this paintings,
I'm his muse… yes, so… he can paint me in the middle of the
Amazonia forest surrounded by psychedelic cobras, or, on the next
study, I can be his muse of egypt, and I will appear super tanned,
surrounded by jackals and crocodiles, and, on the next study, I may
be found walking through an open desert, talking to the shadows
between the dunes etc…” she says, and then, as I try to hug her
again, again she pushes me back, and then, there she goes, already
running away from me. And I, well, me, here I stay, alone, thinking
about all she have just said, about all the men she has just
referred… and then, night is fallen, and, as I walk around through
this park, I come to understand, that, there are no more people
around, and, as I go through looking for something, at some point,
down there, I see, a man seated on a bench, probably the last person
on this park, this is, his back are actually turned to us, and so,
foot before foot, there I go, already approaching this vision. And
then, as I sit on his side, instantly, he starts coughing like hell.
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