Friday, March 21, 2025

SOMEWHERE - 8 - staring at the showcases


It's night and
here I go, through this unknown city, this is, as I go through this arcades now, I see, in front of a certain household appliances store, a couple of guys seated against the showcases, or, lying on the floor, and, in their back, or, on their side, some tv monitors are actually emitting some shiny scenes, showing some kind news, some kind of commercials, well, doesn't matter, and so, advancing, now, as I reach their place, instantly, they do ask me for cigarettes, and well, I do not have cigarettes, but, I remember, I do have a bunch of half-smoked joints in my pocket, something I picked up from the floor in front of the bars and taverns of that bohemian area I’m just coming from, and so, as I pass it to them, I also seat on the floor on their side, and then, we open all that, we remix it, adding more tobacco and stuff, and, together, we roll a new one, I mean, a really fat one, and tin the meanwhile, as they fill it, I’m kinda staring at the many tv screens inside the shop window on our back, this is, each of them showing different programs, say, ladies presenting the weather, war in distant countries, the private life of pop stars, cocky politicians talking trifles about themselves, contests to win prizes, running man, live sports, horse racing, dog grooming, different kinds of reality shows, stupid publicity sketches about this and that, and then, there is this discovery channel program displaying a small guy in a bow tie and a blue suit… and, he’s talking about something related to the “Vagus Nerve”, and as he talks, there are some huge images brains on his back, and so, at this point we three are seated on the floor, smoking this join and watching this guy saying “Human beings have an autonomic nervous system that is actually comprised of three separate subsystems… the parasympathetic nervous system, the sympathetic nervous system and the enteric nervous system… thus, the enteric nervous system has been described as a kind of second brain, which communicates with the central nervous system through the parasympathetic… via the vagus nerve and sympathetic nervous systems… however, vertebrate studies show that when the vagus nerve is severed, the enteric system will still continue to work… and so…” the small guy says, while passing his tongue through the lips, “...we now know that the enteric system is not just capable of autonomy but also influences the brain… in fact, about ninety per cent of the signals passing along the vagus nerve come not from above, but from the enteric system… and that is why many consider it as a backup brain centered in our solar plexus… this is, our gut instincts are not fantasies but real nervous signals that guide much of our lives...” and while he says that, me and the other homeless guys stretched on the floor are actually exchanging troubled looks, some smiles, hot comments, and then, as they continue to observe that “vagus nerve” guy, I put my attention in another screen, this is, some kind of program about the carer of certain politician, and so, we have here some middle aged guy with disheveled hair, hollow face and wide eyes, saying… “power is a thing that all human beings pursue, but… some will more easily get satisfied than others... and, there are many kinds of powers… the power of giving orders and instructions to others…the power of being in control… the power of being in charge of plans and structures, trying to make it happen in a smarter way than others did before… and then, somehow, making it even more lucrative and enjoyable than others did before, but… the concept, the plan, must have some traps in the middle too… this is, some traps where people can deposit their left-overs of happiness… to say, the power of winning a match… the many sport competitions and their actors… like, the athlete full of self-esteem being respected and parsed by the public… this is, individuals that want to be as cool as this or that athlete or that star.. thus, the will to feel closer to the skies, even if God is not there… I mean, the desire of being at the top of the world is something yearned by almost everyone, or at least, the desire of being at the top of a stage... Yeas, everybody likes a bit of fame, even the awkward one… always trying to escape from other human beings, but, at the same time, dreaming that day that they will come out of the box, do some kind of killing, some kind of justice, and save the world at the same time… this is, the artist, the seeker, the sensible soul, here sweating and bleeding, producing some kind of rituals inside themselves… being constantly in war with their own monsters… monsters they have absorbed from all the movies they have seen... all the books they have read… all the stupidities they have passed through, and then, after the destruction comes the lull… this is, the winner and the loser becoming the same again… and so, here we are coming into some dogma…” and so, as he says that, now, I get a bit distracted, I watch the streets, I watch my colleagues looking at some commercials, women presenting the weather in distant countries, and again, I come back to that screen with that guy with a bow talking about the “Vagus Nerve”, now saying, while doing some leaps to the sides, “Yes, it is our vagus nerve that provides the gateway between the two parts of the autonomic systems.... so, the vagus nerve acts as a bio-informational data bus that routes impulses going in two directions… and, since the vagus nerve acts as the central switchboard, it should come as no surprise… that impaired functioning of this one nerve can lead to so many different conditions and problems…. like, some neurological diseases actually come up from the guts spreading to the brain via the vagus nerve… and…”; “you can see the truth now…” says one of the homeless guys on my side, “...the shit, yes, the shit we got in our guts… it will, yes, it will be responsible for some of your thinking, upa-upa, who would have thought…” and then, the other homeless guy on the side is laughing and coughing at the same time, while smoking, and I… well, now I put my attention on the other screen screen again, that screen displaying an ex politician, or, a political commentator talking about “The nativity! The household! The propriety! The ambition of the clan! and so on… therefore, the politician that I once was... here he is, there he was, claiming a reconstruction of the system, this is, for him, for us, the system as it is now is never perfect… so I, he, them, we always want more.. and we know, life is about change… although, a permanent intent to restructure the structures of the system will make it sick… so, sometimes it's time to stop and accept the world as it is… take a rest, listen to the clouds, go with the flow… and so, that's why I retired… I mean, I retired to read about the magnificence of my ancestors, and also, I retired to read some fiction, in order to let myself be immersed by some fantasy things… and so, then, back to the metropolis, I didn’t want to give instructions any more… thus, in the meanwhile, I just had to listen to what my subordinates had to say and… I would choose the best ideas, this is, sometimes randomly, because we know, the goal is always the same, economic growth, economic growth, economic growth… therefore, at some point, I just had to dramatize an opinion in a way to make it look more real and less confuse… coz, we know, too much emotiveness is not good, you know, people want chocolate, but hard chocolate in a tablet, so that they can break it in pieces, I mean, they don't want to be seen with chocolate fluid dropping from their lips or chin… thus, I just got saturated with propaganda… saturated of good fake intentions, and then, at some point, people would spot something abnormal in my nose… in my haircut… and it came the day… that the industrialists were no more with me… and… in the meanwhile… a scandal about my private life would spread through the media, through the commercial institutions, through the coiffures… this is, I lost a lot of friends but got the support of others that I didn't know were there... And so, it was with the help of some of these new friends, the outmatched ones, that I managed to move into a new stage, this is… I made alliances with old enemies… I even went to have gracious dinners with them... and, in all these dinners we used to have conversations about everything less politics… I mean, for a while, I even dedicated myself to my family, like I never did before, so, I dedicated myself to my wives, to my children, to my pets… I tried to fix the scars… the scars the Media made on them because of the bad propaganda about my party…thus, at some point, I would get this chauffeur… coz, I was no more into driving, and yeah, this chauffeur would become my best friend… this is, I got the habit of making permanent visits to his house, and, while there, we would discuss trivial matters… This is, I was recycling my energy with this sudden approach to the working-class, a life that I really have never experienced… but you relax now! All this doesn't mean that I was becoming some kind of socialist, communist, or something like that, because… that rhetoric was already part of me in the past, when I entered the political world, during my teen's… I means, just then, with the conquest of the power, I became a republican, a moderate, I became whatever the others wanted me to be… so, this is, I ordered missiles through the post, I made war against starvation, and then, I invested all the money in fictional projects… projects that got all mislaid… because of… and thus…” and so now, as this program takes a break, showing some commercials, sketches about toothpastes, hair oils, trips to exotic destinations, I put my eyes on the other screen with the guy with the bow, still there, talking about the vagus nerve, now saying, “actually, the vagus nerve is the commander-in-chief when it comes to having grace under pressure… I mean, the autonomic nervous system is composed of two polar opposite systems that create a complementary tug-of-war, allowing our bodies to maintain homeostasis inner-stability... and so, this to say, that, the sympathetic nervous system is  geared to rev you up like the gas pedal in an automobile… I mean, it thrives on adrenaline and cortisol and is also part of the fight-or-flight response… thus, the parasympathetic nervous system is the polar opposite... and the vagus nerve is the command central for the function of our parasympathetic nervous system… but, unfortunately, the vagus nerve reflexive responses can backfire and turn it from comrade into saboteur… this is, the vagus nerve is known as the wandering nerve because… it has multiple branches, multiple branches that diverge from two thick stems rooted in the cerebellum and brain-stem that wander to the lowest viscera of our abdomen… touching our hearts and most major organs along the way… this to say, it meanders all the way down, into the belly, spreading fibres to our tongue, pharynx, vocal chords, lungs, heart, stomach, intestines and glands that produce anti-stress enzymes and hormones like Acetylcholine, Prolactin, Vasopressin, Oxytocin… influencing digestion, metabolism and the relaxation response… and so, the vagus nerve uses the neurotransmitter, acetylcholine… and if our brain cannot communicate with our diaphragm via the release of acetylcholine from the vagus nerve… then, you may stop breathing and…”, now, as he says that, there is a flux of colourful psychedelic images on his back, and so, then, my attention is back to the other screen on the side, the screen showing that pseudo politician talking about “and what more could I wish more? Thus, it would come a time that, well, I just wanted to have some fun! That's what I wanted... and therefore, I became friends with new enjoy-yourself institutions; cheap philosophers; tourism wizards… things like that, and, I should say, at some point, I even got in an affair with an ex-tv-presenter-wanna-be-actress, but that thing was transformed in a big scandal, they said I violated her, they, yes, they, the Media, I mean, anyway, I got tired of all that and decided to retire. So, just like that, I got into my jet and escaped to one of these countries of the so-called underdeveloped world where I went to do some kind of surgery, in a private clinic… but after that surgery I decided to stay, take some holidays, so, I would buy a house, or better, I would buy a mansion there on a hill with luxurious vegetation, a hill where there was already some other escapees from the same modern world I was also coming from… and thus, it was with them that I began organizing lascivious parties at the local church… this is, a new kind of church, a church for the the-new-riches-freaky-spiritual-something, and thus while joining this events, we were all in the search of a new kind of pleasure, new kinds of spiritual magic, or, whatsoever… And for this, I even contracted some sort of gurus to live with me in my mansion, plus their secretaries and promoters, that would do all the job for me… so, I just had to work in the back, licking counterfeit pussies, masturbating sambo cocks… sorry the expression, etc. I mean, so much oil they would ejaculate that, I would get sick of it all and decided to change to other more clean, not so scarce energies… and then, taking the counsel of my personal warlocks… I have also decided that I wouldn't eat any more meat and I wouldn't go into any more regular sex sessions. Thus, I got on a diet of escargots, flower-cabbages, carrots and pink onions, and my shit would become shiny-green and my mucus would become velvet-blue… and at this point, I didn’t know any more in which kind of business I was involved… this is, as I remember now, at some point, not satisfied with all that I have conquered, I went to take refuge on the top of some hills, and so, once there, I decided to climb a high and dry palm-tree... and thus, seated on the top of it, I cried and I cried and I cried... and just then I saw, my tears were coming down over the fauns... and plus, while there, I even thought about suicide, about providence, about angels and demons… as I remember… but no, I didn't have the courage to kill myself… thus, while still there, at the vertex, I would take a decision… and the decision was… that, I would come down, and slowly, with my power, I would destroy the whole world, and then, just then, who knows, I would kill myself…” he says, and so now, I take a break, I would look the movimentations on the street, deserted at this time of the night, some plastic bags moving with the wind, and my colleagues here on my side, stretched out on the floor, sleeping, snoring, and then, I would come back to that screen with the bow guy talking about the “vagus nerve”, now saying, “Botox is a toxic substance that has the power to damage the nervous system and shut down the vagus nerve causing death… plus, it's interesting to note that... the heavy metal mercury blocks the action of acetylcholine, and, the neurotransmitter that passes the nerve impulse from the vagus nerve to the heart muscle… both acetylcholine and the nerve receptors in the heart muscle contain thiol proteins… thus, when mercury attaches to the thiol protein in the heart muscle receptors and in the acetylcholine, the heart muscle cannot receive the vagus nerve electrical impulse for contraction… and the result… the result is… Mercury accumulates in the heart muscle and heart valves, causing damage by attaching to thiol proteins, and so, by now we can say, that… the frequently observed rocking and swinging behaviours in autistic individuals may reflect a naturally occurring bio-behavioral strategy to stimulate and regulate a vagal system that is not efficiently functioning… and so, people nowadays, have been highly contaminated with mercury used in dental amalgam which dentists routinely place only inches from the brain… and, plus than three thousand tons of mercury are put into the atmosphere each year contaminating the entire biosphere of our planet, but the government, nonsensically, seems to worry more about CO2 emissions from coal-fired smokestacks instead of the huge amount of neurotoxic mercury in the atmosphere…” and so, at this point, the screens on the back of this blue suit guy display a disturbing red sky approaching, and then, there are dentures dangling amid all this red sky, and so, now, I put my attention on the other screen on the side, the old politician, now saying “and so, as I got down from that palm tree, I mean, as I put my feet on the ground again, I realized what was happening with me… actually, I was just missing the combat in the parliament, yes, I was missing the applause from the public, and, perhaps, I was also missing the scandals on the news… so, thinking about the golden old days, I would return to my mansion, excited, kicking all the androgenic chickens on the way, and, well, as I went inside, I would start to destroy all the house, just because, it was mine… and then, I would I make knots on the hair of all that impudent women around… I mean I would tie them together… and also, I would set fire to all my emotional advisers, and then, just then… to my room I would go in order to dress up… and so, in a while, with my old smoking on, old but clean, I would come out through an alternative door, escaping the flames, escaping the screams… and then, I would get in a secret lift that would take me out of that hill… this is… minutes after I was in the airport entering a private jet… and, as I landed in that old country, actually this country, yes, the police were already there waiting for me… and so, on the following days I would go through a series of trials… this is, I would spend all my money with lawyers and law advisers, but for nothing, this is, I would lose everything and would end up in the streets… living with marginals…” he says now, as the screen turns black, and so, as I look at the guys here lying on the ground, already sleeping, there I go, again, through the streets, through the night, this is, from big streets to narrower and narrower ones I go, until that, on the going, I actually come to reach the suburbs of the city, and so, as I arrive here on the side of some deconstructed buildings, instantly, I’m already being pushed against a wall, having hands rummaging through my pockets and crotch, this is, they actually steal me some papers and then, somehow, I actually manage to escape, and so, in the meanwhile, I’m already advancing through the back of this ghetto, staggering, pushing my pants up, and then, I’m actually debouching at some marshy area with mud and reeds and rubbish and piles of debris in the middle of that “water”, and so, instantly, I'm actually getting bogged down in all this shit, even so, I manage to grab some pieces of scrap metal actually stuck here and there in the middle of the quicksands, and on the following, I'm even climbing some of these mound of trash, and so, from mound to mound I’m actually advancing, and this is, then, as I manage to leave this swampy area and reach safe ground, I actually come to see that, I have made a few cuts and gashes on my legs and arms, and so, after washing my bruises, there I go, staggering, already walking in the direction of the huge highway actually passing on the back of the ghetto, watching falling stars on the way. And so, this is, as soon as I get there, I mean, as soon as I reach the proximities of this big intersection, across some ramps and inside some underpass I go, and, as I actually go through one of this underpasses, strange sounds are actually coming from the other end of the gutter, this is, now, as you may reach the other side, still think about demons, about fallen angels, you may see some lightning over there, under that mesh of bridges, here you are, already hiding yourself behind some pillars, I mean, then, as you advance, you come to see half a dozen guys over there actually squatted around some kind of fire, and then, as you get closer and closer, you also come to understand that all these man are actually bearded, and, when you less expect, you actually fell some arms getting hold on you, and, well, as you may think “oh shit, this is the end…” actually no one tries to kill you. This is,"what are you doing here?", says this hoarse voice in your back, but, as you actually heart it, you can’t really see the face of the owner of the said voice, even so, "nothing" you say now, and then, “that’s not the correct answer!”, that’s the reply. And in the meanwhile, as you may try to explain your situation, he’s already inviting you/me to accompany him until the big fire over there. And so, said and done, in the meanwhile, here we are, already reaching the so said bonfire, this is, by now I can watch them better, and so, this is, it actually can be said that, four of the six around this bonfire are actually middle aged man, and the two others with bigger beards, seem to be a bit more older, hunchbacks, actually pulled over the fire… and so, I’m describing them now, this is, about the group of four, the first one actually exhibits a crooked kind of nose, and is alarmingly smiling in my/your direction, and then, the other one on the side, actually having huge hairs coming out of the ears is also smiling in our direction, but, a different kind of smile, more placid let’s say, and then, the third one, is actually a fat guy with mucus slipping out of his nose, and so, about the next one, this one in fact exhibits a big scar on the face and is actually talking in the direction of the fire, this while moving the positions of some burning sticks on it. And then, finally, we also have here the one that took hold of me before, this is, now, with the light coming from the fire, we can actually see that he's clearly the younger one. And so, this is, as I sit here, teas and spirits are already circulating around the fire, and, well, I drink some, and then, when the attention is no more concentrated in me, they actually pick up again the pieces of card that they were previously handling, and, there they are, apparently returning to the game they were previously playing, this is, in the meanwhile I get to know that, the name of the game is something like “one thousand ways of getting fucked”, and, as I try to understand the philosophy of this game, the first one is already starting, this is, after spitting on the embers, he starts by saying, “so, you are inside your house, you feel lonely, you come out, and instantly, as you get out from your building’s entrance door, a car comes in your directions and runs over your body… and so, you are done!”, one says, and as he says that, “easy and smart” someone comments, and then, the others just raise their hand, as a football referee does, showing their cards with numbers, this is, as I understand, there are cards with numbers from one to nine, and thus, this is, I actually see no congruence in this voting, because some show the number one, others show the number nine, others show the number seven, others show the number two, others show no number at all. And, as it goes, I even see some sly smiles are actually coming in my way. And then, one other just presents his story, “I actually got seduced by a big rat, and so, instantly, in the directions of the Zoo I go, and thus, as I advance, at some point, in order to pick up a banana, I slip on the back of a big snake, and...”, as he actually say this silly things there are some more voting again, and then, accordingly, one other also presents his story, this is,in the meanwhile, there is a guy riding a bicycle in the middle of a city, and this is, as he actually goes across a big avenue, he actually passes one red traffic light, two red traffic lights, three red traffic lights and then, inside his head all gets so red, this is, he can’t really see any other color, and so, now, he actually approaches the red sidewalk, he parks his red bicycle against the red rail, he enters a red door, and then...” as he finish saying this things, this people here around the fire are actually looking at each other, this is, some looking around, some looking at me, making faces, and others, I mean, others show no reaction, and then they vote, this is, they show up their cards with numbers, cards with numbers from one to nine, and again, I see no congruence in this voting.

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