SOMEWHERE - 7 - looking for a new ohm

Therefore, it’s night, and so, as I advance through some middle-class neighborhood, actually looking up, gazing at the lights on the windows of certain buildings, up there, after have finished with this bottle I’m actually carrying with me, I even begin to address some of these individuals actually leaning over there, on the parapets that windows… this is, in the meanwhile actually engaging in small conversations with them... and so, as it goes, at some point, I’m already entering some of these building with opened doors, this is, as I pass through their main doors, there I go, already mounting on lifts, hitting the stairs, going up, going down, going up again, advancing through this and that corridors with blinking lights, and then, battering on doors... calling names... making requests... and so, I may say that, as I go through, the majority of these flat dwellers actually doesn’t even show up, this is, some just speak through the joints of this so-said doors, asking names, numbers... and thus, according to the roughness of my voice, I was Jack, I was John, I was Gabriel the angel, but... they do not care about messengers, this is, almost always I was sent away, even so, I didn't give up so easily, I mean, I just carried on going from building to building, still trying, going up and down stairs, going through this or that corridor, beating on this and that door, until that, at some point, I actually ended up being caught on the run in one of these corridors, and say, with no questioning, these men just grabbed me by the back and instantly began to push me down through the stairs, this is, they wanted me to leave quickly, with no justifications, and so, for a while in the middle of all this hullabaloo we follow, I mean, there was shouting, there was some screaming, and as this is actually happening, some of the dwellers of the various flats around are already coming out, some trying to understand what was/is actually going on here now, others already joining my precursors and with no questioning already pushing me down the stairs, calling me dirty names… and so, as this is actually happening, at some point, a certain door actually opens just on my side, and from there a certain middle aged woman comes forward already pushing me inside her flat while actually screaming at my persecutors... that just stand back, and so, once the door is closed and the racket extinguished, there we go through some kind of hall with a jumble of decorative objects piled up against the side walls, I mean, the two of us actually walking side by side on this semi-darkness, say, me occasionally slipping on the crinkled carpet and accidentally touching my hostess's body just to avoid the fall... and then, here we are, already arriving at this tiny living room clogged up with a certain kind of old fashion furniture, some discolored pictures of birds on the walls, some landscapes, etc... and so, by now, at her demand, I just install myself on this old fashioned couch, and, as I lean back, there she stays, looking at the top of myself, and as she keeps looking, here I'm, already stammering a few words, trying to explain the cause of me being there beating on doors, but, probably feeling the embarrassment on my voice, by now she just says, “actually you don't need to hurry up telling me your story... I'm not asking you anything... you can just relax... and tell me about it later... after the tea and the cookies... I mean... just relax now...” And, well, as I hear this, I just nod my head, and then, as she leaves the room, I just lean back against the sofa's frame, and I take a deep breath with closed eyes... therefore, during some time I stay in this position, gently inhaling and exhaling, until that, in the meanwhile, I actually come hear some kind of voices apparently coming from some sort of movie that is actually being watched close by... and so, as I reopen my eyes, instantly I see this semi open door on the other side of the living room, and then, while I make the sofa creak, that door is actually promptly closed producing a big bang. Further, as my host comes back with a tray containing two cups of tea and a variety of cookies, here she is, already explaining,“That's my daughter, Maho!... there she stays... watching movie after movie, and worrying about... well... I'm not sure about what she really worries about…” she says while actually passing me one of the tea cups, and then, after taking some sips on her cup, she just continues like this “...I mean, since she left school, she shows no interest in anything, she just stays there... I mean, she almost do not go out of that room, doesn't take care of herself, doesn’t want to go look for a job... look for a life... nothing… she just stays there... a pretty indolent one, I may say... too much like her father...”; and then, as I hear her saying this, I decide to intervene in this manner, “But Ma'am, you better pay attention to what is really happening in her head... I mean, you better not censure her too much, coz, one day, maybe, she can just leave to never come back... just like me that… that got tired of family criticism and, just got astray... to never come back...”; “Oh really! I see now! But, may I ask, where have you been all this time?”; “Well, I have been on the road... say, I walked thousands of kilometers going from city to city, got jobs here and there, stupid jobs like, cleaning toilets, removing bones from the carcass of animals, transporting stuff, picking stuff, carrying stuff, manufacturing stuff, etc. “Ouh poor you... but when was that??”; “Ages ago, or perhaps not that much... I'm not good with numbers and timing anyway...”; “I see, but you are still young...”; “it’s a possibility mam, maybe I’m what they call an eternal teenager…”; “Hum... they... but who are they?”; “They, the trained ones, the students of the brain... the specialists of the mind, I mean…”; “...and are you OK with that?”; “I'm very OK mam... I don't much care about anything they say...”; “hum, but, tell me one thing, after all that wandering you have been doing, you actually never came back home?”; “That's right mam, a long time have passed, and I never actually came back home!”; “But… may I ask you now, where have you been more precisely?”; “Well, I have been in many places, many countries, for example, after that meat factory, in another country, I would find work on a timber factory, but it didn't last for long... then in another country, I would work in some glass factory, making windows for offices... and then, in another country, I also would work in a mattress factory... but, say, my last job in factories would actually be in this stone factory where we actually were making engravings for cemetery tombs and well.... we even had to use a mask all the time because of that dust... so, yeah, it was depressing... thus, after that, I never would get a job again...”; “Right, I see now, but, let me ask you, what have you been doing after that?”; “Well, say, I have been walking around... being a hobo everywhere... I mean, I have been in many countries... crossed some deserts...”; “oh, and, didn't you find your oasis yet?”; “I believe the oasis is inside not outside...”; “Hum, can't fully understand your words now, but, that's ok, if you fell happy here now, enjoy your time... it's my pleasure to give you a place to rest before your next... let’s say... your next desert crossing...”; “No more deserts crosses for me Ma'am, please... I had enough from deserts… wanna tell you... today I just got out of that sandstorm machine... wanna tell you, today I feel human again...” And, as I actually say those things here she is actually watching me with curiosity, and then, to change conversation, I just stand up and walk around this living room, this is, I put my attention on this and that artifact laid up on the surrounding tables, and then, I just approach the window, I open it and I put my head out... and, as I do it, instantly, down there I see a horse (maybe a donkey), grazing the grass in the back of the buildings... and I don't know why, I begin to yell some onomatopoeias... like “arrrsh”, “ashuhurrruff”, “Urrruff” things like this... and as it goes, the ma'am on my back is already romping into a strange kind of dry laugh... roaring more like a female lion... and, in this fashion I continue for a while, throwing onomatopeias out of the window, this till that, the neighbors are also joining me, shouting from another side windows, some cursing, some yelling, some pronouncing the name of god in vain... and thus, the spectacle continues like this during some time until that the madam begin to fight with her own breath and can’t laugh no more... so, she comes by and closes the window... but, even with the window closed, we still can hear the neighbors quarreling outside, on the side windows parapets of their flats.. and then, as I turn back, now I(we) can see this tall girl with plain long hair standing by the door-still of her room, by now looking at us with some disgust on the main facade but also, some kind of tricky smile in the corners of her mouth. “What's going on here?? And who’s this one? Why is he doing a pathetic scene like this in our house?”; “Don't worry, sweeter...” answers the Ma'am, her mother, “this man is… well, this man is the new plumber let’s say... can't you see? He came to clean out the roast from the tubes…” and as she says this me and the ma’am are sharing some kind of half smiles, and then, her the daughter, with some kind of hatred expression in her face, “So very fucking funny you two are…” says “and what you gonna do next hein… you gonna invite him to live here... ha? Is it that, and you will pay for his food you will pay to listen his babbling and prattle and then, we will be having his beggar friends coming over for super too??...”; “Just shut up” her mother says, but she continues “And then, you will let them stay overnight too, yes... they will fight between them for the best places to sleep... this is, maybe over the kitchen table, or who knows, here in the living room, on the back of the curtains... maybe in your bedroom, inside the wardrobe, is that what you want, hein?”; “Shut up” the mother repeats. “And then you will see, they will get really mad... they will mess with everything here, they will disrespect us and our neighbors... and, to finish with it, they will throw us out, sell all our stuff, and most probably, they will turn this into a crack house…” she says, and as she says those things, her expression is serious but her tune of voice sounds kinda silly at the same time... plus I know, she had stolen some of her interjections from an old black n' white American movie from the fifties that I have also seen... I'm not sure about the name of it... but, I know the very same scenes she had just resumed... and I could tell it even with more details... but her mother probably don’t know about this movie, and so, she took the comments form her daughter too much in the heart, so much in the heart that her face turned pale, and for sure, there may be many kind of feelings fighting inside her head and nervous system momentarily... and so, by now the ma’am advances to her daughter and “You stupid girl... don't you scream like that on me...” she says. "You are just as ungrateful as your father was, I gave you everything, I took food from myself to feed you... to feed both of you... and... what happened? One disappeared when more was needed... and the other... well, the other passes the time locked in the room... not showing any humanity… just addressing her mother with bad words, insulting me... so, what more do you want now? I mean, who are you to judge the people I receive at MY house like this? Are you jealous? What is all this nonsense about? And why are you trying to control what is not yours... If you want to be the boss, why don't you go and find a job? Why don't you pay for your food? Why don’t you help me to pay the rent... then you could stand up, raise your voice, choose the good people to live here…” And, even before the mother finishes with her discourse, the daughter's is already passing her hands through the cupboard with violence, and, one by one she smashes all those crystal figures against the floor. And then, inside her bedroom, more stuff is being broken, we can hear… and so, while this happen, there she goes, the mother trying to enter that same room, but, she can't coz actually the door is blocked... until that, here comes her daughter with a small leather pack on her back, her hands going over the tables around, again... this is, some more decoration stuff being broken... and then, as she make her way out through the main door, those are her final words: “You fat cow... you will never see me again... I'm gonna live with my father... you bitch!” she says slamming the door on her back. Thus, she's gone now, like I have predicted. And so, here now, we have this mother bursting into a pathetic cry, already going for the door, opening it, and then, running along the corridor on the pursue of her daughter... and thus, as this enraged mother actually reaches the top of the stairs, she tries to slap her daughter, but, as she tries that, the girl actually manages to pull her mother against the wall, and in the meanwhile, she just gets in the lift and down she goes. And the mother, here she stays, rolling on the carpet, weeping and gurgling like it’s the end of the world... and, as it continues, some neighbors are already coming out of their flats, going up and down stairs, in a while facing this woman bursting on the floor, and others, facing me here on the door... and so, here now, I’m actually hesitating between advancing to help the ma’am or close the door... but, I have no time to choose, because, two men, this is, apparently the same ones that hours ago have tried to expel me from this same corridor, take hold of me now and, in a while, I’m being pushed down the stairs, this is, as it goes they do call me all kind of dirty names... and then, after going through the corridors, with a kick, onto the street I’m actually being thrown... and so, again, there I go, through the night.