It's night and here I go, through the city, now going across some kind of middle class neighborhood, I try to speak with some people at the windows, this is, I try to tell them my story, but it’s like they don’t understand my language, and so, as their cigarettes are done, instantly they close the windows and inside they go. Even so, at some point, I get the courage, and decide to enter some of these buildings, and thus, there I go, battering on doors, going up and down stairs, mounting on the lifts, etc. And so, the result of this is: the majority of them don't even answer, and others (despite the signals of life inside their flats), they don't open, this is, some of them even talk to me through the fence between the wall and the doors, this is, they want to know who I’m and what I want from them. And thus, according to the roughness of myvoices, I was Jack, I was John, I was Gabriel the angel, but they didn't care, almost always I was sent away. Even so, I did not give up so easily, and thus, I continued to go from building to building. Still trying. And then, at some point, well, I was caught on the corridor of one of these buildings, and, this is, they made no questioning, they just grabbed me and began to push down through the stairs, this is, they wanted me to leave quickly, with no justifications, and so, in the middle of this hullabaloo we follow. I mean, there was shouting, there was screaming, and as this was happening, some of the dwellers of the various flats around also came out, some trying to understand what was/is going on here, others already joining my precursors, also calling me names… and so, as this was/is happening, me trying to defend myself as I could, at some point, a door opened in my back, and, there was a certain middle aged woman that came forwards deafening me and straight away pushing these men back, screaming to them, etc, and then, pulling me inside her flat, with no more excuses… And thus, as it goes, once inside, after going through some kind of hall with a slippery carpet on the floor, we arrive at some kind of living room, and so, then, here we stay, I mean, as it goes she’s already offering me tea, and then, as I try to explain myself, already babbling some stuff, “actually you don't need to hurry up telling your story all in a sudan, relax!” she says, “you can tell it later... after the tea and the cookies, and… there is also no need for big acknowledgements…” she adds. And so as I hear this I take a deep breath and just install myself on an old fashioned couch here on my side, this while looking around... and so, as I reopen my eyes, what I actually see on the walls is some kind of pictures of discolored birds, some landscapes, and then, I also watch that the stuff inside the cupboard is a bit messy and the fan on the ceiling is making a slight continuous hissing… plus, I also may say that, the door on my back is half-open, and thus, from here I can see that someone inside is watching some kind of movie. This is, from here I can actually spot part of the screen of the computer but not the person in the back of it. Nevertheless, as it goes, I may say that this movie looks kinda familiar to me, also the soundtrack, but, while I’m here wondering about it, the door closes and then, I can’t see or hear anything more… But, my host explains now, “That's my daughter, Maho… not a very pretty one, she just worries about... well.. I'm not sure what she really worries about… I mean, since she left school, she shows no interest in anything, she doesn't want to go out and look for a job... look for a life... nothing… she just stays there... watching movies and... a pretty much indolent one, I may say, too much like her father...”; and then, as I hear her saying this, I decide to call her attention for “But Ma'am, pay attention to how you treat her… this is, that's how I started too, I mean, you better not censure her too much, coz, one day, like me, maybe she will get out and never come back... just like me that… got tired of family criticism and, just got astray... to never come back...”; “Oh really! I see now! But, where have you been, all this time?”; “Well, I have been on the road... walked thousands of kilometers going from city to city, got jobs here and there, stupid jobs like, cleaning toilets, removing the bones from animals, transporting stuff, picking fruits, carrying stones, manufacturing pickles, etc. “Ouh poor you.. but when was that??”; “Ages ago, or perhaps not that much... I'm not good with numbers and time anyway...”; “I see, but you are still young...”; “it’s a possibility mam, maybe I’m what they call an eternal teenager…”; “Hum... they... but who are they?”; “They, the trained ones, the students of the brain... the specialists of the mind, I mean…”; “...hum, and are you OK with that?”; “I'm very ok mam... I don't much care about anything they say...”; “So, afterall, you never came back home, since that first time you abandoned your family to go look for...”; “Right, I never came back...”; “But… where have you been more precisely, can I ask you?”; “I have been in many places, many countries, worked in many shitty jobs, different kinds of factories, operating machines, dreaming of myself being sucked by these machines... so, after the meat factory, in another country I found work on a timber factory, but it didn't last for long... I also worked in some glass factory... making windows for offices... and I also worked in a mattress factory... that was not so bad... but, my last one was this stone factory... there we had to use a mask all the time because of the dust... it was depressing... we were even making engravings for the cemetery tombs... and after that I never got a job again...”; “And so, no relatives can help you?”; “I didn't ask for their help, and also, I forgot everything about them...”; “And thus, since then what have you been doing?”; “Well, walking around... being a hobo here and there... I have been in many countries... crossed many deserts... almost died in the last one...”; “Found your oasis finally?”; “The oasis is inside, not outside...”; “Can't fully understand your words, but that's ok, if you fell happy here now, enjoy your time... it's my pleasure to give you a place to rest before your next... let’s say... your next desert crossing...”; “No more deserts crosses for me mam, please... I had enough from deserts… wanna tell you... today I just got out of that sandstorm machine... wanna tell you, today I feel human again...” And as I say those things she is watching me, with curiosity, and then I stand up, I walk around this living room, and as I approach the window, I open it and put my head out... and, instantly, down there I see a horse (maybe a donkey), grazing the grass in the back of the buildings... and I don't know why, I begin to yell some onomatopoeias... like “arrrshurrruffuff”, just because... and at this point, the woman on my back, is already romping into a strange kind of dry laugh... roaring like a female lion... and so, for a while I continue in this fashion, throwing onomatopeias out of the window, till that, the neighbors are also joining me, shouting from another side windows, some of them cursing, some yelling, some pronouncing the name of god in vain... and thus, the spectacle continues like this during some time until that the madam begin to fight with her own breath and can’t laugh no more... then, she comes by and closes the window... but as it goes, we can still hear the neighbors quarreling on the side windows.. and then, as we turn back, now I can see a tall girl with plain long hair standing by the door-still of what must be her room, watching us here… this is, by now she looks at us with some disgust on the main facade but also some kind of tricky smile in the corners of her mouth. And then finally “What's going on here??” she says “And who’s this man there? Why is he doing a pathetic scene like this in our house?”; “Don't worry, sweeter... this man is… well, he is the new plumber let’s say... can't you see? He came to clean out the roast from the tubes…” and as she says this me and the ma’am are sharing some kind of half smiles, and then, her the daughter, with some kind of hatred expression in her face, says “So very fucking funny you two are… and what you gonna do next hein… invite him to live here hein... is that, and you will pay for his food you will pay just to listen to his babbling and prattle? and then will we have his beggar friends coming over too, for super too??...”; “Shut up” her mother says. “And then, will you let them stay overnight, too?... they will fight between them for the best places to sleep right… maybe over the kitchen table, or who knows, here in the living room, on the back of the curtains... maybe in your bedroom, inside the wardrobe, is that what you want, hein?”; “Shut up” the mother repeats. “And then you will see, they will get really mad... they will mess with everything here, they will disrespect us and our neighbors and they will throw us out, sell all our stuff, and hey will turn this into a crack house… is this what you want, hein? Do you know this person by instance?” And, as she says those things, her expression is serious but her tune sounds very silly at the same time... and I know, she had stolen some of her interjections from an old black n' white movie from the fifties that I also have seen... but I'm not sure about the name... but American, I know the very same scenes she had just resumed... and I could tell it even with more details... but her mother probably don’t know about this movie, and so, she took the comments form her daughter too much in the heart, so much in the heart that her face turned pale, and for sure, there is many kind of feelings fighting inside her head and nervous system by now... And so, by now the ma’am advances to her daughter like this “You stupid girl... don't you scream like that on me... you are just as ungrateful as your father was, I gave you everything, I took food from myself to feed you... to feed both of you... and... what happened? One disappeared when it was more needed.... and the other... the other passes the time locked in the room... almost not talking to the mother... not showing any humanity… just addressing me with bad words, insulting me... and so, what more do you want now? Who are you to judge the people I receive at MY house like this? Are you jealous? What is all this nonsense about? And why are you trying to control what is not yours... If you want to be the boss, why don't you go and find a job? Why don't you pay for your food? Why don’t you help me to pay the rent... then you could stand up, and choose the good people to live here…” And so, even before the mother finishes with her discourse, the daughter's hands are already passing through the cupboard with violence. And one by one she smashes all those crystal figures against the floor. And then, she goes inside her bedroom, and more sounds of stuff being broken we can hear… and while this happen, the mother tries to enter that same room, but she can't coz the door is blocked, until that, the daughter is getting out from there with a small leather pack on her back, her hands going over the tables around, again... some more decoration stuff being broken... and as she make her way out through the main door, those are her final words: “You fat cow... you will never see me again... for long I have grown tired of you... I'm gonna live with my father... you bitch!” she says as she slams the door. And thus, she is gone now, like I have predicted. And, thus, momentarily we have this mother bursting into a pathetic cry, already going for the door, opening it, and then running along the corridor on to pursue of her daughter, and thus, as she reaches the top of the stairs, this enraged mother tries to slap her daughter but the girl manages to push the mother against the wall, she gets in the lift and down she goes. And the mother is left here, rolling on the carpet, weeping and gurgling like it’s the end of the world... and in the meanwhile, the neighbors are already coming out of their flats, and again, they watch this same woman there, and they are also watching me on the door... and so, here I’m now, hesitating between advancing to help the ma’am or close the door... but, I have no time to choose, because, two men, the same ones that hours ago have tried to expel me from this same corridor, I guess, they take hold of me, grasping my arms, one each side… and I’m being pushed down the stairs, this is, they are dragging through the floor while calling me all kind of dirty names... and then, with a kick, into the streets I’m being thrown... but not so bad, I still manage to stand up, and I still can walk. And so, afterwards, not so far from that place, at some other street, I find another open door, and again, I enter the building, but this time, I make my way to the last floor, and as I reach it, I go through the corridor and I will lay down there at the end, where there is no door for any flat… and as the lights go off, I get inside this dream, this is, I listen to the squeak of the brakes of a train coming to a halt, and then, a man accompanied by a blue monkey under an umbrella, out of this train is coming, and there they go walking through the platform, and as this is happening, in another dimension I see a letter passing under the door where I’m staying, and so, straight away I pick it up and try to read it but, I can't really understand what is written on it, coz, It's a terrible calligraphy, it looks like mine actually, and in the middle of this letter there is also some little monster faces and some kind of pink elephant and a couple of butterflies with big antennas... and so, at some point I come out of my barrack looking for the possible postman, but, I can’t see no one... this is, even the train station is no more there now... all this is should be a dream inside a dream but when I touch the roses in the garden under the window, I hurt my fingers in the thorns... and it turns out that there are a lot of people behind the bushes on the other side of this same garden, and all of them are half asleep, and only half of their bodies are actually visible... and so, I ask them what are they doing there by the wall of my barrack but, I get no answer… this is, they look so tired of waiting, that they can't talk at all... I think to myself. And while I turn up, now looking at these stone stars, I see, by chance, over the roof of my barrack, the same blue monkey, still holding that umbrella, then he turns to me and says with a certain kind of businessman tune that he has a mission for me, and when I want to know which is the mission he says that “in the letter you have in your hands is the instruction for that mission… but, do not care about what is written... this is, you better burn the paper and read the message in the smoke” he says, with his nasal intonation, and here I stay, thinking about it.
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